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THOUGHTS OUT LOUD Today I went for counselling regarding my ex partner who is HIV positive. Since he was diagnosed on the 28th March this year..my mothers birthday..it has been one of the hardest roads he has had to travel..I have been there..and although I am clear medially I also feel like Im dying, grieveing, angry, sad, confused. Due to his cultural background I am the only one who knows who holds this massive secret, and feel as though his life rests in my hands..in reality I know it dosent but irrational thought says so. I have been bereft..since I heard the news... watched him in hopsital when I thought he may die..bathed him like a baby and massaged his feet. told him I love him and that he has a son and family at home to live for. He fought and came out of hospital..and went home for two months saw son and family, he returned in August here...and has been through hard times now he began his HIV meds..and they are hard on him.. he looks frail..he tells me today there is no colour in his life anymore...I try to reassure him he wont speak to strangers, he is ashamed of his illness, hes scared..im scared. I have told one person close to him but cant tell him he knows..but my dilemma is shiould I tell him...maybe he will find solace talking to him? can anyone offer advice? juliestep1@yahoo.com my e amil..or leave comments here thank you julie
I send out my thoughts to the universe..I am currentley in a state of flux..my ex partner is terminally ill and we are both in denial. I try to plaster over the open wounds yet in reality I know this is not the answer. He has cultural conflicts and only I know he is living with his illness, I cannot talk to him with out feeling his pain and opening a wound that I cannot close. We both therefore avoid it and it rears its head in other ways. I said we would make wednesdays our day and today we hit a brick wall...his car was impounded causeing costs hard to bear and conflict..it opened my well of tears and in my way to try and make things better we came to words. My tears hurt him, but I could not hide them..we ate and then I took my reatreat in he net cafe to write my words and to cry alone as I spoke to a friend here. Im writing this I suppose for me so it may not really make sense to the reader..I just need to write it. I can offer wisdom to all around me, give comfort to those in pain..but cant bear the pain in Sajids eyes as he deals daily with his life...Im to close I know, I have tried to steer him to counselling but he fears it.. I think maybe I need to have it for me..so I support him better, my fears cripple the process..and my tears burn . So I offer this up to the universe to seek guidance and hope and strength to be a better person and to admit that which I cannot change and to support the best way I can. Support not smother, love not mother, it is all I can do.. Thank you for reading this hope it makes sense, Nameste julie
Tags: Self
August 26, 2008
Outside The Comfort Zone
Things We Don’t Want To Do Most of us have had the experience of tackling some dreaded task only to come out the other side feeling invigorated, filled with a new sense of confidence and strength. The funny thing is, most of the time when we do them, we come out on the other side changed and often wondering what we were so worried about or why it took us so long. We may even begin to look for other tasks we’ve been avoiding so that we can feel that same heady mix of excitement and completion.
Whether we avoid something because it scares us or bores us, or because we think it will force a change we’re not ready for, putting it off only creates obstacles for us. On the other hand, facing the task at hand, no matter how onerous, creates flow in our lives and allows us to grow. The relief is palpable when we stand on the other side knowing that we did something even though it was hard or we didn't want to do it. On the other hand, when we cling to our comfort zone, never addressing the things we don’t want to face, we cut ourselves off from flow and growth.
We all have at least one thing in our life that never seems to get done. Bringing that task to the top of the list and promising ourselves that we will do it as soon as possible is an act that could liberate a tremendous amount of energy in our lives. Whatever it is, we can allow ourselves to be fueled by the promise of the feelings of exhilaration and confidence that will be the natural result of doing it. What do you think?
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Tags: Dailey Om
Thoughts... Thinking How Open Universal Generous Harmony Takes Spirit... Jools
Tags: Thoughts
Letting The Past Go
Aries Daily Horoscope The ideas you express today may be rooted in your emotional past, which could make it difficult for you to approach things objectively. While it is normal for your past to influence the way you view the world, perhaps you should reflect on how your opinions can color your interactions. Should you notice that you are adamant about an issue today, you might, for example, think about where your ideas come from; maybe someone hurt you, and this hurt has triggered a response in the present moment. If this happens, you can take a few moments, imagine that incident encapsulated in a balloon floating away from you, and repeat to yourself, “I release this from my past.” Seeing how your past influences your present could make your interactions more balanced and fair-minded.
We can change the way we act in the present by relinquishing the hold the past has on us. Although we may never fully let go of past events, once we understand the patterns we currently have that have been formed by the past, we can work with greater awareness to change them. This will help us see the larger picture of an issue or our interactions and make them less biased, for the more we learn to let go, the more open and equitable we will become. Recognizing the way your past has molded you today will make living in the present much more rewarding and precious. What do you think?
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Tags: Horoscope
My home..my work....asking for input..visulisation. Today I invited a friend round to my home...I rent a room in a friends house it is very old not well kept and not cosy...my friend is kind but the home is filled with sadness very often... I have a small box room which is not me at all.it is unkempt as I basically sleep there and escape as quick as possible.. david just mad me realise how sad it is..the nicest area being the garden. Basically it boils down to money she does no thave the money to do it up but a lick of paint would make it miles better..I have avoided improving my room because its not mine..its not me..and it make me sad...I also work in a small kisok so i have tow cave.. sorry this sounds so whinney..I just felt so low today..and needed to express it..joolsx
Tags: LIFE
Ten thoughts for tuesday... 1. As I am new here I am wondering about this site, and interested to know about it from anyone who may enlighten me, I came here via a psychic group on yahoo..following readin gthe one big circle poem. 2.Can anyone read auras? 3.Does anyone offer free readings as an exchange for somthing I may be able to offer? 4.How long has this group been running? 5. I also have a site on multiply..where I blog and keep in touch with friends. 6.Could you tell me three things about you? 7.Would you like to know anything about me? 8.Have you any words of wisdom to share with me? 9.i do a little reading called the garden on yahoo doodle if anyone is interested my yahoo mesenger is juliestep1@yahoo.com. 10 Please add or ask anything you like in comments...it would be nice to get to kno wthose who call thanks joolsx
Tags: Thoughts
She is a friend of mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It's good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind.
~Toni Morrison, Beloved
Tags: QUOTE
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